If you are reading this then I am already dead. Probably. Maybe. This is a precautionary blogpost so that I can make my final demands in case I do die on the plane tomorrow. I know that the chances of dying as a result of a plane crash is like 1 in 14 million but in my head it's something like 1 in 14. I've done so much reading on unsafe airspaces this past week that I've become like 95% sure that the plane is going to get shot out of the sky like the MH17 or King Kong.
I know that you have to die of something. But this is not the way I imagined that I would die. I always thought that I was going to be electrocuted by a lava lamp. One can only dream, I guess. Being on a plane that is falling out of the sky seems pretty scary though. I knew going anywhere and doing anything was a mistake. My mum said I'll never get anywhere worrying about things like aeroplane crashes. She probably regrets telling me that now since she'll never have grandchildren.
My biggest regret is never meeting Julie Andrews and telling her I love her. I can't believe she outlived me. Actually, I can. She'll never die. At least I lived to see Gossip Girl end. And at least I never have to grow old. I'll die at my peak like Elvis.
To make myself feel better about my impending demise, I am going to remind myself of some other great people who have died, so I know that I am at least in good company. Einstein. Kerchak from Tarzan. Jin Kwon, my favourite Lost character. Steve Irwin. James Franco (probably soon). JFK. Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic. Sweeney Todd. My cat.
As for my funeral / tangihanga my wishes are quite simple. It will be a 22 day long ceremony. One day for every year of my short life. It will be an open casket so that everyone is forced to see my bloodied remains. For the music, I want the Oceanic Six Theme from Lost like in the above video. No one is allowed to say "she wouldn't have wanted us to be sad" / "she would have wanted us to move on with our lives" etc etc because that would be incorrect. I want everyone to remain in mourning for the rest of their lives, much like Queen Victoria did when her cousin-turned-husband Prince Albert died. She literally never got over it and now it is the most beautiful love story ever told.
I suppose there's a chance I won't die on the plane. It seems unlikely, but maybe, just maybe, nothing will go wrong and I will successfully arrive at my destination just like on the majority of flights. Or maybe the plane will go down but I will survive and be on an island and it'll be just like Lost, which would be probably even more awesome. Anyway, just in case; goodbye. I love u.
